When I was younger I would have never thought I had a problem with friendship. I don't think I thought about it at all, to be honest. I always had a group of people that supported me, and a few stuck it out for a very extended amount of time. But throughout high school...well, that is when things got complicated.
There are a few people in my life that I will truly call friends. These are the people that have went above and beyond and have overcome a lot to stay and remain a part of my life. They are the people who have accepted me both for my good qualities and my faults; the same applies to them - I have looked passed our difference in order to preserve the more important thing which is our friendship.
But when a friendship ends, whose fault is it? Does there come a time when a friend has just become so toxic that it is time to let go? How do you know when you are the one being the 'bitch?'
I honestly think that a true friend, no matter what, is loyal to your feelings. They are not searching to make you feel inadequate or sad. I don't think that it is worth preserving someone in your life that makes you feel upset, annoyed, and smaller than you are. This life is too short to surround yourself with anyone other than people that make you happy. It is one thing to forgive someone for their mistakes, but...I don't know.
When it comes to matters of the heart, I think the ultimate thing is to respect the feelings of your friend. If you had feelings for the same person before said person has given their heart to the other, than it is probably best to have the conversation before you pursue them. It is probably a good idea to have the talk and find common ground. It is probably best to ask if it is okay.
If the girl has already committed herself to this guy, and he to her...it's best for you to stay away. It's not in anyone's interest for a guy and girl to hang out, especially if the guy is married or engaged. A friend doesn't intrude on that territory...especially if they know it makes you feel uncomfortable. They probably shouldn't just tell you to get over it because you are being a paranoid, overreacting girl about it.
I guess the point I'm trying to make here is that matters of the heart are delicate. They are one of the biggest things that can break a part friendships, and you really have to sit and ask yourself which is more important: the boy or your friendship. Sometimes it can become even more complicated; sometimes this boy is also a mutual friend, a co-worker, etc. And depending on the age and the extent of the friends relationship with said boy, the consequences can be intense.
I guess it has just always been part of the guy or girl code - bros before hos, chicks before dicks. I remember when I started dating my fiance, I was hesitant because he dated one of my girlfriends for a very short period of time (a few days). They weren't very serious. My stomach was turning in fear of telling her, even though I knew that she didn't really have feelings for him at that time, and probably never would. She was a little upset (honestly, in the end, our more drama seeking friends were more upset about it than she) but moreso worried that I was making a big mistake. However, I talked to her about it, and in the end she said it would be more my problem if things didn't work out. We are now getting married, and she is a bridesmaid in my wedding. Are more drama seeking friends, who decided to make this their issue, I have long-since cut ties with most of them.
The point is, when you are someone's friend, you have to have your friends feelings at heart constantly. Even when you may not be in the wrong, it is still important to consider how they feel. A simple 'I'm sorry this has upset you, I never meant to hurt you, but...[explanation here]' would suffice. If you can't offer that, and you are only worried about their wrong, or your feelings, than it might be time to realize that you aren't friends. And, if you are dealing with that sort of person, it may be time to admit to yourself that they aren't the kind of friend you need.
At the end of the day I know the friends that have fought for my friendship, and who I have fought to keep myself. They are the ones that have worked things out with me when things looked worst. They were the ones willing both to tell me what I have done to hurt them, and who were willing to listen to how I feel they have hurt me. They were the ones willing to accept apologies and to also apologize themselves. They were the one that knew they wanted to stick it out until the end, because are friendships were worth more than the little things that tore us momentarily apart. And in any good relationship, friendship or otherwise, I believe that is the way it is.
If they aren't willing to listen and to try and be listened to; if they aren't the people who will look out for you and how you feel; if they are too proud to apologize or to accept your apology....maybe, maybe they aren't the right friend for you.
And that's just how I feel.
Until next time....happy blogging.
xoxo
There are a few people in my life that I will truly call friends. These are the people that have went above and beyond and have overcome a lot to stay and remain a part of my life. They are the people who have accepted me both for my good qualities and my faults; the same applies to them - I have looked passed our difference in order to preserve the more important thing which is our friendship.
But when a friendship ends, whose fault is it? Does there come a time when a friend has just become so toxic that it is time to let go? How do you know when you are the one being the 'bitch?'
I honestly think that a true friend, no matter what, is loyal to your feelings. They are not searching to make you feel inadequate or sad. I don't think that it is worth preserving someone in your life that makes you feel upset, annoyed, and smaller than you are. This life is too short to surround yourself with anyone other than people that make you happy. It is one thing to forgive someone for their mistakes, but...I don't know.
When it comes to matters of the heart, I think the ultimate thing is to respect the feelings of your friend. If you had feelings for the same person before said person has given their heart to the other, than it is probably best to have the conversation before you pursue them. It is probably a good idea to have the talk and find common ground. It is probably best to ask if it is okay.
If the girl has already committed herself to this guy, and he to her...it's best for you to stay away. It's not in anyone's interest for a guy and girl to hang out, especially if the guy is married or engaged. A friend doesn't intrude on that territory...especially if they know it makes you feel uncomfortable. They probably shouldn't just tell you to get over it because you are being a paranoid, overreacting girl about it.
I guess the point I'm trying to make here is that matters of the heart are delicate. They are one of the biggest things that can break a part friendships, and you really have to sit and ask yourself which is more important: the boy or your friendship. Sometimes it can become even more complicated; sometimes this boy is also a mutual friend, a co-worker, etc. And depending on the age and the extent of the friends relationship with said boy, the consequences can be intense.
I guess it has just always been part of the guy or girl code - bros before hos, chicks before dicks. I remember when I started dating my fiance, I was hesitant because he dated one of my girlfriends for a very short period of time (a few days). They weren't very serious. My stomach was turning in fear of telling her, even though I knew that she didn't really have feelings for him at that time, and probably never would. She was a little upset (honestly, in the end, our more drama seeking friends were more upset about it than she) but moreso worried that I was making a big mistake. However, I talked to her about it, and in the end she said it would be more my problem if things didn't work out. We are now getting married, and she is a bridesmaid in my wedding. Are more drama seeking friends, who decided to make this their issue, I have long-since cut ties with most of them.
The point is, when you are someone's friend, you have to have your friends feelings at heart constantly. Even when you may not be in the wrong, it is still important to consider how they feel. A simple 'I'm sorry this has upset you, I never meant to hurt you, but...[explanation here]' would suffice. If you can't offer that, and you are only worried about their wrong, or your feelings, than it might be time to realize that you aren't friends. And, if you are dealing with that sort of person, it may be time to admit to yourself that they aren't the kind of friend you need.
At the end of the day I know the friends that have fought for my friendship, and who I have fought to keep myself. They are the ones that have worked things out with me when things looked worst. They were the ones willing both to tell me what I have done to hurt them, and who were willing to listen to how I feel they have hurt me. They were the ones willing to accept apologies and to also apologize themselves. They were the one that knew they wanted to stick it out until the end, because are friendships were worth more than the little things that tore us momentarily apart. And in any good relationship, friendship or otherwise, I believe that is the way it is.
If they aren't willing to listen and to try and be listened to; if they aren't the people who will look out for you and how you feel; if they are too proud to apologize or to accept your apology....maybe, maybe they aren't the right friend for you.
And that's just how I feel.
Until next time....happy blogging.
xoxo
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